I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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