How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
