All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
