wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
