I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
