They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
