Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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