Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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