Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
