Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
