I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
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I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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