She is in my trunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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