Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
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it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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