is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
where are you?
Hypothermia
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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