Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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