Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
