Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
