batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
you had me at cake vodka
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
