Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she smelled like a LAN party
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
