he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm at about main and main street
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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