How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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