The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
