i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
