1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
