I'm so fucking centered right now
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
