Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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