She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
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Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
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So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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