i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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