So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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