You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
