I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
