PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
