I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
