Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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