so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
