Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sober January is a disaster.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
