I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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