I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
