I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
