The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
