someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
