Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
