I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
