YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
