he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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