i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
