The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
