I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
