Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
