Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
