so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
