I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
