We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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