you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
