He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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