Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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