Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
