She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
