My pussy is not your playground.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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