Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
