I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
