I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
